I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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