I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
