I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
