There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The air was thick with penises
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
