Is it normal to miss your booty call?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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