He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
