Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
