Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
