Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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