Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
