Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
