what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
