so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
