i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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