Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
