it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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