Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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