Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you had me at cake vodka
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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