the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
