Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
