My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
