So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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