Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Houston, we have a blender
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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