I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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