i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
