Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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