Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
