i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize