Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
