then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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