I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
