There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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