dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
smell my finger.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
