I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
