Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
where are you?
Hypothermia
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
