I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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