Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
