I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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