I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have aggressive nipples.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
