I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
