super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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