look no pants
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
