Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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