that's an acceptable place to lick
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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