TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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