Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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