I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We are all done wearing pants today
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
