woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
