We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
