I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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