ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
