you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
