I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize