and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize