How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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