I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize