it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
