omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
