five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
