I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
