I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
