How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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