You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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