I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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