i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
