She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I cannot find my penis.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
